Patty: Hey there Patty Domínguez thank you so much for joining us on this episode. Number eight of Her Legacy Podcasts. Happy New Year it’s 2019. So much to look forward to this year and I’m sure you have your eyes set out on making your own movement. So I thought it would be a great interview to launch at the beginning this year. How to launch your own movement. I have as a guest Denise Soler Cox who has an unbelievable woman. She has grown up as a Latina in the suburbs of Manhattan and coming in with this whole opportunity to create a movement around the connection between what it means to be a Latina and feeling how she felt as a first generation American are US American so I heard it was just a really great concept and as an idea she created this beautiful film which she promotes currently and it is just. Really the catalyst for inspiring people to connect with their heritage to create what it means to be in Enye and she’s created Enye nation. So it’s a really wonderful concept. It’s a beautiful movement that she has like it was some pretty big name. So I so admire her tenacity and love which she’s all about and so on this episode we’re going to be talking about how to launch your own movement with Denise Soler Cox.
Patty: Everybody Patty Dominguez here with Denise Soler Cox and I also want to roll my r’s and give up be Latina in this space right now. Thank you so much for being here on Her Legacy Podcast.
Denise: Sure. Thanks so much for having me. It’s such a pleasure to just see your face and be in your space. You are so awesome. And I’m like you know super excited to talk to you.
Patty: Thank you. And we were having a little bit of a pre conversation around this topic of really creating a movement.
Patty: And I think when I heard about Project Enye and you’re going to be talking more about that when somebody has a vision of saying Wow do I have the where we thought to create a movement. I definitely think of you and what you’re doing. So I know that this conversation is going to create awareness for people that it is possible. So that’s what I want to talk about but first I want to get a little braggy with your girlfriend. What is your superpower?
Denise: Oh my gosh. All right. I would say other than my great Latina hair. So I wish to say we share the same hair.
Denise: No I definitely it’s my superpower is being like honoring that. With that I know it’s true. And able to teach that truth and turn it into something that that helps other people.
Patty: That’s awesome. That’s really beautiful. And then what are you working on right now that you’re really excited about. I know you’ve been traveling nonstop.
Denise: Well I mean so two things I’m super excited about. One is that I am blessed to be able to have that on the road now for three years with a film that I made and along with other people obviously it takes a village to make a movie and that I get to talk about it and bring this message basically of belonging inclusion of acceptance of love to Latinos and Latinas and a general audience. Almost every single week for the last three years the next thing that I’m excited about is the fact that I’m and production now and have been for a few years with our second film and that is really lessons from the road. I’ve had a chance to meet extraordinary people of which you are one of them who have really added me and learning their stories has not only added to me and made me a better person but also I use other people’s stories to inspire other people to feel less alone because I sincerely believe that seems like such a simple thing but when a person feels less alone they act towards the world and towards themselves in a completely different way and that inspires me every day to be the catalyst for someone. To feel less love.
Patty: So beautiful, Project Enye when I heard it when I heard about Project Enye I met you at a conference. I thought it was so smart to make. Oh that’s cool. And I saw your film and I said it was so well done. So professional.
Denise: Thank You.
Patty: So you know just such great storytelling within it about what it means to be in Enye. Now I’m an Enye, I’m a proud Enye. But tell the listeners what is Project Enye like how did this start. What was the manifestation of this idea that it has become a movement?
Denise: Yes so it obviously started twenty two years ago when I was 26 and I had literally grown up believing that my sense of disconnection and lack of belonging to my own culture to my own people was my own. I do believe that anybody else experiences. And also I was young and so of course I had like that view of the world like it only happens to me. This is only happening to me. And so it’s just something I thought was my cross to bear. I didn’t think that would even have a context to talk about it. There was no YouTube. There was nobody else making even funny videos about it said nothing and you need to know that lessors to know that I was born in New York City but my family is Puerto Rican and Cuban and so family back home were Latino and then I grew up was very mainstream white not Latino at all and so I really felt super conflicted between these two worlds and then when I was 26 I had this massive “aha” moment. The only one I’ve ever had in my life that has been to this magnitude and it was when I realized that I wasn’t alone. Now. It was such a profound “aha” that I needed to share it with the world. And I literally felt like if the world. Could feel the way I felt that I felt like I was contributing towards like the betterment of the planet like world peace type stuff like I literally felt like if I could move this along and get people to feel the way I feel right now. Big stuff would change and so I decided it was really me at a bar with a bunch of my friends in a conversation. Stories being told in a moment like that when they realize oh my God all that I’ve been feeling alone about. I have shared with them and if I’ve shared it with them then I’m sure I share it with any child of any immigrants were sent to the country. I just knew it in my heart. And so that and I decided to make a movie about it but had no experience. I didn’t know anyone that made a movie. I didn’t know anything but I knew I wanted to make a movie. And by the time I got home I was driving in my car by the time I got home. I convinced myself that I totally sucked. And I wasn’t right for the job like my Spanish wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t skinny enough I didn’t know my culture. I did not a but that whatever was I just felt like I didn’t have all that I needed like this perceived thing, right. And that was total crap. And for the next 17 years I believe that lie. But if anybody ever. Asked me if Time or money wasn’t an issue what would you do. It’s a very popular question to ask people. I always knew what mine was in there’s no questions often asked in a group and a lot of people are scratching their heads. I don’t know what I would do what would I do. What do you think I should do? But I always knew what I would do. I just didn’t think I was enough to do it. And I literally lived my life like it wasn’t new but I knew. But if only. And whatever.
Denise: And so when one day I just decided I’m enough to make one phone call and that phone call was to my now creative producing partner who two years after we met we got started making the film but literally I keynoted an event just a few days ago the Lena Latina Avan in San Jose California and they said had I believe that lie like had I continue to believe that why none of this stuff happened it wouldn’t have been there would be no movie there’d be no like life changing inspiring journey for me or like the others of other people who have decided to use my story as the reason why they go either for their dreams or be just make a relationship better or quit a job or whatever you know.
Patty: Oh my god. OK. I have got to talk about this because it is obviously what we’ve heard about the imposter syndrome man who am I and listen back to the fact that that 17 year journey it was always kind of chipping away at you so to speak right. Always in the back of your head I guess I could do that. So what if I could do that and it didn’t take you 17 years to make a decision. It just took you that one moment where you tapped into your courage that you always had all along you know and just made that phone call which is now out there. So really the lesson is you don’t have to wait you don’t end it just you know what screw it let’s do it. Is the popular mantra of really big CEOs that they’re like you know what? In spite of let’s just do it. And so that’s really the moment when you realize that you could get this done and I think that another example of this is like we make it so much about ourselves and holding ourselves back and doing what we’re called to do. And if you think about it that’s super selfish.
Denise: Yeah totally.
Patty: Reckless otherwise you wouldn’t be impacting people and it’s like you’re giving them the permission that they need and that they’re looking forward something that resonates with them that they’re hearing from you. That changes everything the course of their lives. So I love reframing things like that. I know for me personally when I reframed it is when I stop making it about me and I snap makin’ about like listen let me just tap into the calling that I have it neatly. So the question here is what is your calling that you have innately that you’re hiding and that you’re playing small and you’re really being selfish. How do you feel about that statement?
Denise: Yeah I could not agree more especially on the selfish part. I mean especially when I think about you know I just finished my ninety ninth live event. I’ve been on the road for three years. I’ve taken parts of the summer off usually the holidays off and so there’s about 30 weeks a year for the last three years
I’ve been pretty busy and like you know the one hundredth is coming up in a few weeks and all I can think about is the thousands of people who have gone up to me and you know said What a difference it’s made but also later I get notes like the I got one just the other day saying my mom who’s an immigrant who talked to her daughter who is the American word child who is Enye right? And she said we stayed up for two hours after the screening and I couldn’t believe that there was so much to learn about her.
I didn’t have any idea how she felt about any of this stuff. Had it not been for the film that her daughter didn’t even go to the mom went and the mom’s heart expanded because oftentimes there’s like you know not to get political political about but there’s the immigrant narrative in this country. And if you’re a Latino or if you’re the child of an immigrant you know like we give deference to that our parents sacrificed a lot.
Many of them had lost their lives. My mom did it but many of our parents did they fled the wars you know like really life and death situations and so oftentimes we feel like as if there are children we don’t have a right to share our pain or our struggles so we keep them inside and then we try to make good on the promise to be successful like make good on the sacrifice right to pack everything away. Not talk about it until they come to my screening and crying and the thing is the tears are good the tears help people move through feelings that hold them back energetically.
Like I you know I’m a big who person I believe in energetic blocks and there’s a lot of blocks that you have and we don’t even know what we don’t know. But once you see the film something happens energetically and the release begins and for some people they’ve really been able to change their lives and how dare me hold that back. How dare I hold that back from them like I’m so convinced this is not about me and raised me of that book? Big Magic.
Have you read that book by now? Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a book called Big Magic It’s very similar to this where basically the premises that several people will be given an idea actually wrote something about this in my late 20s when I realized that this was happening with me and I wrote this shortage that several people will be implanted like in it’s for the sake of universal like evolution like for planetary evolution. Right.
And whether it be in the arts or sciences or what have you and like the whole idea is to ensure that the thing actually makes manifest and that the people get impacted and that things move and evolve.
Patty: Oh that’s cool.
Denise: Is it me. And so people have come up to me after you know screenings they are like oh my god I totally had the same idea that they didn’t do anything about it.
Patty: And I don’t know, have you heard of James Altucher sees his podcast super popular and he talks about how he has this practice of writing 10 to 20 ideas in a notebook. Sometimes I mean we all have these ideas. Maybe they spark in the shower or just when you get up and of those ideas most of them are crap you know. But then within that. Maybe there’s one good idea or the other thing that I think about is I hear a lot of especially in my venture carpet or entrepreneurs where they get approached by someone that says well I don’t want to share my idea.
Will you please sign a confidentiality agreement? And they say ideas are crap its execution is the only thing that matters. So it’s exactly that it’s like if you have an idea what are you doing about it not just talking about it be about it you know.
Denise: Yeah of that yeah.
Patty: So I ask you when you were talking about the fact that you’ve done all these screenings your two or over three years. What do you think is a critical component of creating a movement?
Denise: Yeah so you’ve heard that saying like how you do anything its how you do everything right. And so I’m going to make it my own thing like whatever’s on the inside is on the outside with our leg, however we see ourselves here as what’s possible out there. So for 17 years I just saw like not enough at a million reasons why not, right. And then the day that I decided come hell or high water the rest of my life was devoted to this. First it was a year I gave myself a year to make progress and if I made vision progress that I was going to keep going and I did make this like sufficient progress which is funny because there was so little. But it was enough for me to be left.
Now this is a big idea. And then I kept dreaming bigger and bigger and bigger about it. And so I think what’s critical about it because I know I’m not a mass rally yet and it’s really nice when people take it and make it their own. And so really believing that this is not about me that I feel appointed like I’m one of those people that was appointed and that I believe my life’s purpose is just to keep running with this ball and see how far across the field I can get it.
I think that humility is attractive you know and then also really believing that without a shadow of a doubt that the work makes a huge difference and that makes me emotional. Because I’ve received letters from young women who told me they decided not to commit suicide after seeing me speak out are women that quit their jobs or whose marriages got better. Who decided just to be honest with their parents who feel, because at the end of the day it’s all about relationships right and love. And so if I can stay centered or not that I know that that’s the attractive force that I need to keep this going because sometimes it’s been really hard.
And if you see the film you know that I at one point several years ago so my wedding rings my husband and I both had to pay the rent. And we also had a Mercedes repo reposed which in the film I say it’s a return but really what happened is repode. And you know what happened it was a huge bummer but now it’s hilarious like the stories that we tell as how we tried to avoid the repode man. Like it’s awesome and I’m in great company.
You know there’s a lot of people who have big dreams and just because like one thing works out doesn’t mean everything’s going to work out. And I think there’s some quality about that that the fact that they just keep getting up and brushing myself off and taking a step forward that creates that forward motion and then the right people. That are supposed to come into my life to help me make this even bigger just fall in. Right.
Patty: So totally and it’s the kind of thing I always envision because I know I have. Lord knows I’ve had my challenges with being entrepreneur since I quit my job. And what was it two thousand thirteen. I worked one day in January and then I was on my own.
So yes it’s been five years and I know it’s been ups and downs lots of different trials and tribulations. And I had an NLP. Session with one of coach just neuro linguistic programming for those of you that don’t know. I actually overcame a very severe stutter with NLP when I was growing up.
Patty: Cause I’m in Enye because I don’t always all. Yes that’s OK. Total Segway you guys. But one of the epiphanies that I had when I saw your. Film it was like oh my god gosh what happened to me. Like I went into grammar school speaking only Spanish. I went to a Catholic school primarily Irish Catholics and I didn’t know how to speak English going in and they didn’t have ESL programs back in the day especially not in private schools.
So I was constantly hit for not knowing how to say her words or not understanding in this and that it was horrible. I devolved and stutter. And it’s so fascinating how my identity was you know question like, like I know I’m not like the other kids you know I’m different. What’s weird language you’re speaking? You know especially going into an all-white school. So long story short it’s really molded who I am. And it’s because I’m an Enye and it’s just like that’s my journey out of it. But I always marvel at these different things come to me when I see like oh wow I’m in an Enye. This happened to me. I used to hide it and now it’s my truth. You know it’s weird but I’m really proud of what happened to me because it’s molded me to who I am you know.
And yet in spite of what happened to me I have a lot of perseverance and tenacity and anyway now I’m bound to get back in an NLP session with a coach he said just envision yourself when you’re having the setbacks don’t go into victimhood. But it’s literally like you’re dusting yourself off and you’re like you know awful a certain be like all right bitch I’m I’m back. You know what I mean, and I didn’t mean an exact hitting I literally envision that I’m like brushing my stuff up rolling up my sleeves. I am not down for the cow. You know. .
Denise: I love that, I’m going to use that.
Patty: I’m not kidding. I literally envision that. So what is you guys that’s how I overcome my obstacles so I so agree. And I think there’s so much power in creating those emotional connections. I mean the fact that you’re saying that through a speaking gig that you can impact people to save themselves. You know that’s truly a movement when you connect on a heart level.
And that’s really the catalyst because we are human beings we all just want to know that we matter and we’re being heard and they’re giving you permission because you’re sharing and they’re saying it back to you it’s so reciprocal. It’s just beautiful. It’s a beautiful thing.
Denise Yes. That’s that is. It’s like the power and I feel like we hear the power of fantasy and Britney’s work. I feel like my work is out in action you know and the gift is that I’m choosing to give it to the Latino community and like a broader audience is wanting in on it too. Because what it’s really about is love and relationship since of acceptance and stuff. But.
That’s the way what you were saying about the stutter and about the repo and and about like wiping yourself off and stuff like that. Like you know you don’t get to be tenacious just because you say like titillations is a declaration but you know it’s like saying I want to go to the gym versus going to the gym like wiping yourself off and standing back up again like metaphorically and saying like my daughter said not today mommy. Yeah.
She was imitating something on the television and it’s like those kinds of words and like that kind of way of being like that’s what builds the muscle of tenacity. But the opportunity to build the muscle is when life sucks right. And then you get to be strong. And then all of a sudden when something really hard happens and you feel like you got this and everyone’s like how are you so courageous. Well hello. Like I put the time in right. And that’s how it works.
And so like that’s what the beautiful thing is and you have to remember that my stuff because of doubles in the next level it’s always like you know a whole heck of a lot more next thing. Right. But I always have to remind myself like no like even this morning when I see your shower like look how far we’ve come.
And I can never be disappointed. And who knows what will be what’s coming right. But I’m so proud of. Who have been and what I’ve been able to create and the short seemingly short amount of time. You know.
Patty: its amazing amazing. All right. So what part of entrepreneurship exist that makes you happy like what part of it is really fun. And it creates a lot of happiness for you?
Denise: I love solving problems like for people I love being able to offer a product that solves the problem for people. And here’s what’s interesting is like before this like that whole saying like don’t take it personal Denise like I was like a bad ass in business like I was the director of sponsorships for House of Blues concerts for like the whole mountain regions. Like you know I had some jobs I had businesses and always had problems taking things personally and it’s because I brought everything and maybe it’s because I’m Latina.
Maybe it’s a little bit of both I don’t know. But like I was told that more than anything to not take things so personal and to not mix business and pleasure and what I love about this business what I do now is that it’s all personal. I’m in a business of being personal and being vulnerable and authentic and creating a product to inspire that in people.
And so I get to have it all. I’m not saying my feelings don’t get hurt. They do. But it’s like. A different type of thing it’s not you know being able to create a. Business because that’s what we have all have the opportunity to do around what we want to do. Right.
It’s been cool to create it like this and literally feel like I’m meeting like brothers and sisters or like cousins on the road because that’s the depth of relationship that I have with our customers our clients beautiful and the like family. And then when I go to that city
I feel like I’m meeting my extended family because they introduced to their kids and their parents and their cousins and their friends and so to me being able to build something that is built around my sensibilities and sensitivities has been a really rewarding.
Patty: Well and here’s the thing because I’ve been in corporate too and I used to hear that hey it’s not personal just business but we know that the reality is to make a real impact one that moves and where you feel driven by purpose. That business is personal. And so that’s exactly what you’re saying is that the fact that you know these people.
They’re like your extended family when you connect with them. It’s what makes it worth doing in spite of all the setbacks and challenges that you’re having. So businesses personal. Yeah. If it’s meaningful to you I would say so.
Patty: So as we were rounding the corner what is your definition of success?
Denise: So I guess what I was thinking about this morning in the shower is feel like really being present to the difference that I’ve made. That’s how I feel successful. So you know at times I’ve used like back to that Mercedes like I used that Mercedes. I don’t know however long ago I earned that in a company and in marketing company. And they used that car to define my success.
And it’s funny because the day I earned it I didn’t feel any more successful than I had to take before. You know it’s so weird that I tried to pull that with a belt like oh I’m not going to be successful unless HBO picks up the film or unless you know Netflix buys the film or unless we win a big film festival and that doesn’t a work like you know whether you get it or you don’t get it. It’s like that when the successes outside of you it’s like a lose lose.
But when it’s inside it’s guaranteed. To win. That is a declaration like I’m successful. I mean my definition that I was going to make this movie happen on January 1st. I always write my goals for the year on January 1st and I have a very predictable January 1st and it always starts with writing the goals and so I just got tired of writing a lie for 16 times and I’m like I’m so full of crap I’m just going to write and I’m going to deeply commit for one year and whatever.
And then I made the call because the only thing I had I didn’t know anything else. I had one play I had one thing on my list but it was super scary because it meant that I had to stop talking and start acting. And I’d spent more time talking than acting. And so just looking back at that like sometimes it’s like man but I had the courage to get started and then I had the patience to wait two years to do it and then I had the wherewithal to get through 100 interviews and then I had the whatever else you know and then now we get on the road and the resilience to stay on the road and to deal with being away from my family and my husband like how can I not feel successful so sometimes I’m just like Man I wish I had more money in the bank or I wish I wasn’t driving a minivan anymore. We had that Mercedes but like a leg it won’t make me feel more successful because I am.
Denise: You know like I have a job like my marriage hasn’t been so good. Like literally in the last several years since we sold our rings. Like that’s when our marriage took off and started becoming awesome. So like things you’re not a good marriage make rings do not a good marriage make stuff does not have a successful life mate.
And it’s like what’s the balance like where do I get what I want and have whatever. And so I’m kind of like I feel like it’s an inside job. And then the stuff happens so.
Patty: I totally agree. It is always an inside out projections. It’s like whatever you’re feeling on the inside is going to manifest on the outside because I’m I’m Lulu so I completely agree. And it’s like with all the stuff I mean that’s why you hear people where they have massive success in the material world. But then they feel very empty because they haven’t reconciled or figured out just what it is that fulfills them.
So I totally agree and this fact like maybe you do have a minivan and you want a Mercedes but that’s first world problems speech really great lives we have really great let’s make out as we run. After all is said and done. What do you want your legacy to be?
Denise: The most important legacy. I want to leave is of course I want all of this you know to have made an impact like my dreams have at making a global impact. But when I think about what I care about the most and like what the number one priority is for me is that my daughters see and get power from this now and when I’m long gone that they’ll remember that they don’t have to ignore their dreams and that feeling enough is not.
A determinant to one’s ability to succeed and to transcend that which they want all they have to do is to act and hopefully my life will be a reminder of that and that they can truly be live a life aligned to their souls yearning because that’s what I’ve got.
Patty: So beautiful. Thank you. Thank you Denise Soler Cox finds out more about you project Enye how to be a part of your movement?
Denise: Yes so super easy. Just had to projectenye.com and its project E N Y E there is a link there right in the middle of the page to see the film it’s free. We just really said to the general public about two months ago and they can put their information in and get a copy of the film and watch it right away.
Patty: Awesome. Denise thank you so much for being on her legacy podcasts I so adore you. Your. Heart based entrepreneur. So for that I really honor you and I want to thank you for sharing your gifts and the vulnerabilities and just being so authentic so I appreciate you deeply.
Denise: Thank you. Likewise.
Patty: Thank you so much for being here.
Here are the websites where you can reach Denise Soler Cox