Patty: Hey, hey Patty Dominguez here this episode number 12 of Her Legacy Podcast, we’re talking about how to focus on self-care with the amazing Lisa Carpenter. Now I am fully admitting hand up like literally, my right hand is up that in 2018. I was not very good about myself care and to be perfectly honest.
I mean is there a way to be imperfectly honest but to be honest, I was really falling short. I was head down focused on my work and focused on producing .producing. producing coming at it from a sense of as an entrepreneur as a sole business owner. Sometimes you have a tendency to just burn the midnight oil because you want to make things work in our business and so what happens as something has to give. And so in 2018 I have really put other things before my health and had some setbacks and as a result, I was called out for it.
And Lisa Carpenter did it. And so I so love how transparent she is how authentic she is and we talk about self- care in this episode. I’m really excited to share it with you because I think this is a topic that is so important. We’re so focused on doing doing .doing that we forget or put on the backburner this concept of self-care. So stay with me because this episode’s trunkful really great concepts and things that you’re going to want to implement to your own life into your own everyday experience as you are producing.
This is a great call to action to just stop and realize are you focusing enough on self-care? Well, let’s find out together in this Episode with Lisa Carpenter.
Lisa Carpenter welcome to the Podcast. Thank you so much for being here.
Lisa: Thank you so much for inviting me on. I am so excited to have this conversation with you.
Patty: Well and it’s almost like a carryover of a conversation that we had online. And as we were talking I’m like wait wait wait. This is so good.
We want to make sure to capture it so that’s why we’re on this podcast because my conversation with you was so rich was so I called you pleasantly intense. And I really meant it because you’re so, it’s this crazy combination of total zen. But I’m going to whip your ass into shape energy that is just amazing. So I want to get braggy about you. What do you believe is your superpower?
Lisa: First of all thank you for that. I like to call myself a lovingly disruptive. Yeah. My superpower is what you just asked me. I see. Sorry I was so marinating in what you just said there’s now I need to fully receive that my superpower. I can see the things that are holding people back and I know that sounds really really cliché but I work in terms of you know helping women really matter in their own lives.
And I can hear the things that they’re not saying. I can literally see and feel the things that they’re not saying I know exactly where I need to take clients when I’m coaching with them. And for a long time I’m like doesn’t everybody do this? Because being intuitive sounded like woo ooh right? I’m like a driven ambitious woman like many of my clients.
So intuition sounded like really kind of a woo woo wish. But the truth is like that’s what it is it’s just a highly intuitive gift that I have to see people.
Patty: That’s awesome. So in the conversation that we had just of the offline conversation, we were talking about the truth about entrepreneurship and we were just relating on many levels around this whole journey of when you’re working for yourself and especially in the cases where you show passion about your work.
We tend to work and work and work because we can be completely immersed in it, right? And so one of the things we said was like wow let’s uncover the truth about the burnout the self-care issue or lack thereof and really the importance of beliefs and so all wrapped in one no pressure because this I think is such a huge topic that not enough people are talking about the ugly truth of it.
Lisa: Right. So I know that you’re working with a lot of Driven ambitious women as mine and it’s this kind of seeking our worthiness outside of ourselves. It says looking for something out of our accomplishments that we’re unwilling to give ourselves so we think that we’re going to find it out there so we keep doing the things we keep accomplishing the things we have this amazing drive but we never actually allow ourselves to get there.
It makes sense to write like we’re trying to get there but we never actually let ourselves get there. We just keep raising the bar higher and we raise the bar higher. So we never actually feel successful. We never actually feel fulfilled. So we just keep doing more which then leads to “Burnout” and you know the question that I asked my clients is you know what does it mean to slow down like what do you making all your accomplishments mean.
If we took all of them away if we stripped everything away from you and it was just you. How would you matter in your own life? How would you feel fulfilled? What would bring you joy?
Patty: Yeah that’s a great question because you, high performing people were just wired for the next thing the next thing and if I’m interpreting it right it’s like we’re always bought the next thing instead of recognizing well what is the thing that brings us to the next thing. And why is the thing not enough in and of itself? Instead, we’re just pushing past the thing may be a milestone that we achieve and then we roll up our sleeves and say OK so this is what’s next and then we focus on that. And it’s just hyper you know push for movement all the time and it’s just.
Patty: Always going you know what I mean?
Lisa: What do we even want from the thing? Like what are we making that mean? Because usually when we set our sights on an accomplishment it’s not really about the accomplishment it’s about what we believe that accomplishment or how we believe that accomplishment will make us feel but then when we accomplished the thing we rarely allow ourselves to feel the way we wanted to feel. Typically high achievers go into all that still not good enough. I don’t have enough or I should move onto the next thing like next next.
We just like move through our lives ticking boxes but life isn’t a box to be ticked. Like tick, all the boxes and then you die like there needs to be some fun and enjoy. And are you really living your life or are you just trying to do your way through it. And you know women and men no I leave the guys out. We typically are trying to numb out all the things that we can’t be with. Which is why we get into this hamster wheel of high achievement so to speak?
Patty: So then the high achievement path that we focus on is what we believe that fulfills us and yet I’ve heard you speak and seen some things that you’ve done. And yet you talk about the importance of belief. So that’s where we’re kind of headed right.
So how does that play a part? The whole belief system, the truth about entrepreneurship the importance of belief as it relates to their own progression and success path if you will.
Lisa: It’s a really big question. So it’s looking at again. What are you making those accomplishments mean? Did you grow up in a family where good grades, diplomas, degrees, whatever that you were rewarded for that? In which case you learned that that’s how you’re going to feel a love that’s how you belong.
Right, so you keep chasing those things not realizing that that way of feeling isn’t outside of you it’s inside, you. Right. No degree is going to make you feel like you belong if you don’t belong to yourself. Does that make sense?
Patty: Yeah it makes perfectly good sense. So let’s go into this way. So what do you, because you say that you have this intuitive sense about really being able to read people so what is something that maybe you see that you can literally wish you could tap women on the shoulders that are high performing women and say hey there is a better way. What would that what would that suggestion be the theme?
Lisa: OK. So most women who are high achievers that are you know chasing their goals and chasing their dreams and they love that. And I love it too. I’ve got my own goals and dreams and ambitions. But I was doing it to step over or because I couldn’t actually be with myself meaning I wasn’t connected with myself. I didn’t know what made me happy if I wasn’t working. I didn’t know what brought me joy. I didn’t know what made me matter.
And I was really doing all the things trying to make myself feel worthy. But again I never allowed myself to feel good enough so didn’t matter how many boxes I tick. How many things I achieved and it did lead to burnout. I was go, go, going all the time like I was a total human doing, right. Up at the gym at the crack of dawn and then I’d work till you know the sun went down and grab a couple of hours sleep raise my kids all the things and just keep going because I mean it means something about me.
Look at me I can do all these things. It’s very much on an unconscious level but it burnt me out. And until we can actually step back and say wait a minute like why am I so resistant to actually taking care of myself. What would make me matter if I didn’t have these things? What is slowing down mean like for me when I thought about slowing down the immediate story that came up was well I’m not a lazy person.
Lisa: Lazy people slow down. I’m not a lazy person I’m driven not. I’m out here to you know take over the world. But that story that slowing down was lazy actually stopped me from like resting and playing and just enjoying my life right. Because then I felt guilty if I slowed down. So I had to unpack all these beliefs and I had to find my way back to.
What does it really look like to take care of myself? And I’ve been in the you know health and wellness field for a very long time. So on the surface, I was doing the things to take care of myself. I eat healthily I exercise and those who are contributing to my burnout because it was like how many more plates can I spin.
Patty: Oh my God it was such a paradox so it’s like the very thing. So you had good habits? So it’s not like you were sitting right in front of a drive-through eating fries all day. So the habits were this is so fascinating the habits were there. You were eating right doing the exercise. And I know I mean I have really phenomenal clients same thing.
They’re just like what is next… Perhaps they have those habits but that I’m not saying that their brands are but I can see how in spite of doing all that you can get burned out. So how do you kind of see the fork in the crossword and say OK wait a minute? Why I burned out.
Lisa: Oh my goodness you know I wish there was a magic wand that I could wave on people and save them from themselves. But the truth is as a coach we can’t help anybody until they’re ready to help themselves. And I really believe as horrible as that sounds I think we all have our you know come to Jesus moment where we look around at our life and worry we realize what’s not working for us. You know I’ve been a coach for many many years and when my come to Jesus moment kind of landed on me it took me out.
It made me question everything about myself. And I didn’t understand how I could be such an amazing coach. And then also not see that I was totally in the weeds with myself. I couldn’t see how destructive I was being until I was forced to slow down. So every single person you know I guess it’s looking at having the courage to look at your life and your business and say you know what is working here and what isn’t working.
Patty: It’s great. That’s great advice like taking inventory right.
Lisa: Yeah. So to grow a business as CEOs in our business says we have to constantly be reflecting on what’s working and what’s not working in our business. We have to measure our tangible wins versus our intangible wins. And quite often the intangible wins matter more than the tangible wins in terms of moving us forward but how often are we actually stepping back in our lives and checking in with ourselves and seeing what’s working.
Like are we getting enough rest? Are we looking at our bodies as an afterthought? Are we forgetting to eat? So even though. Like I said I was exercising and eating healthy. I was doing too much. Overall there was way too much stress on my body. So when I went through my burnout I actually had to pull my exercise back which then made me feel lazy. I had to check my ego just because I can lift this much weight doesn’t mean I should, Right, because my ego loves going into the gym and being the strong girl. I love being the anomaly.
Right. High Achiever. So I had to check my home. I had to put things down. I had to let go of behaviors that weren’t serving me so didn’t mean like that I couldn’t work out. It meant the workouts back pump the brakes a little bit get more sleep you know. Is the world going to stop turning if I miss a workout? No, but I was living in such a place of being committed because its high achievers we love to be committed to our goals. There was no wiggle room for me. There was no grace. There was no patience. There was no empathy towards myself.
There was no compassion but this was how I was showing up for my clients. But that’s not how I was showing up for myself. So I had to take a really hard look at all the different elements of my life and business and really ask myself why I was being so hard on myself. Why was pushing so hard what I hoped to achieve? You know, what are you really trying to achieve here? He said because it’s not about the thing you’re looking to be loved you’re looking to be accepted you’re looking to be good enough.
And when I stopped looking for somebody else to give me something that was not their responsibility to give me. That’s when things changed for me. And that’s what I look for in the women that I work with. I don’t want them to take on another project and I get that they want to leave a legacy. But at the end of the day the people who love them and care about them they don’t care about the legacy that they’re leaving they care about the human being that’s in front of them right now. The women that I’m working with I want them to be present in their lives. So it doesn’t mean I’m going to turn them into some meditative Yogi.
Right. Don’t panic ladies. Right. Like it’s not about taking your driving ambition back and shooting it. It’s about adjusting the volume on your intensity so that you can be present in your life and you can fully enjoy what’s available to you, right. Joy, Happiness, peace ease well-being.
Patty: Hey there my Legacy Leader thank you so much for checking out today’s show. We’re about halfway done but I wanted to give you the opportunity to engage further as this episode incites some creativity in you if you’re interested in leaving your all dents in the world leaving your legacy. That’s what I call the business Trinity and as solopreneur.
We are looking to create a sustainable business and what I have found is three distinct pillars to make it happen so I’m sharing that with you. Absolutely complimentary. Head on over to businesstrinity.com again businesstrinity.com. Grab that three-part video series for yourself. It includes some downloadable in there and will walk away with clarity on where the opportunities are so that you can leave your legacy. Let’s continue with the show.
Patty: Well I was to say can you give us an example for a client may be that you’ve worked with that was that high performer type you know super. A. And then where were they and how did you help them and obviously no names.
Lisa: That is a great question. So a lot of the women that I work with come to me because they know they want to go to the next level in their life or their business, right. They know they want more and they know that they’re getting in the way of them getting there and they know that their wellness specifically is getting in the way of them getting there. So this particular client she worked with me for well over a year before we got through all her mindset stuff so that she could start having a better relationship with her body.
So she was crushing it in her business but she was treating her body like an afterthought. She didn’t feel well, right. She was using sugar and caffeine to keep going. Like most high achieving women and she knew that in order to take her business to the level she wanted to go to that her body would actually not support her through the next stage of the journey. Right because the most successful leaders take a really really good care of themselves. But she did have a history of disordered eating when she was younger.
She’d done all the diets right. The diet coaster which most women know of. She was done with the dieting though so she knew she didn’t want to diet again. She wasn’t against losing weight but she really just wanted to feel really amazing in her body because she knew if she felt amazing in her body that she would show up in her business as an even more powerful influential leader. So that’s what we’ve done. And now she you know confidently makes her choices around food. It’s no longer a power struggle. It’s no longer a deprivation or diet.
It’s you know her making choices that really nurture her body because I like to look at entrepreneurship as we are athletes or athletes and as athletes, we have to treat our bodies as like the number one vehicle. Right. Our priority in our lives so we can show up for the longevity and be resilient to be entrepreneurs. So that’s what she’s done now. It’s pretty amazing to watch her her transformation like when a client reaches out to me and says I really like my body. It sounds really odd right but to actually feel at home in her body.
It doesn’t slower down now from going to conferences putting clothes on her body isn’t this like a stressful thing anymore. And it’s been amazing to watch how her business has grown and changed just from stepping into that.
Patty: That’s great! So empowering for her on so many levels. And I would assume that the, the ripple effect of that when you think about like even are saying you know finding clothes to wear isn’t that big of a deal. There’s been about just the clothes in that moment but the ripple effect of what happens as a result of that just kind of letting go of that. It opens up so many other things. I mean it’s clear that there’s a correlation between finding peace there and the resources you’re going to get which is everything that a high performer wants anyway.
Lisa: Exactly. You know exactly. It’s you know a lot of times we use our business as an excuse as to why we can’t take care of ourselves. Right. But when we actually start to take care of ourselves and our we make our wellness matter or our emotional physical wellness matter.
Our business grows because of that, because we have more energy because we’re more rested because we know what we need to give ourselves so that we can show up as our best selves instead of running our day running ourselves ragged and then we get like the leftover bread crumbs of our lives. What’s the point of that?
Yeah, when there’s a saying that if you don’t make time for health you’ll have to make time for illness. Well, most entrepreneurs we don’t have time for illness. We’ve got stuff to do we’ve got like life to change. So we have to put ourselves first.
Patty: So with that in mind what are about three tips that you would recommend for the high performing women listening to Her Legacy Podcasts of what she can do.?
Lisa: That’s really really good. Connect into the things that bring you joy. And if you don’t know what those are. That’s a bigger problem. But tap into the things that bring you joy and then don’t judge them. Give yourself permission to enjoy them. Right. So for me things like being in my car sunroof open, music way too loud, like I’m 20 and I’m not.
That brings me a lot of joy. Giving myself permission to you know take a bath in the middle of the day because that feels like totally indulgent but I’ve created my business so I can do that. That brings me joy. The fact that I can slow down, silly things for me you know like this is so funny right. The Wellness coach I totally get out watching cake big shows you know when they take a cake. Yeah, and they turn it into like a dragon.
Lisa: I totally get caught on shows like that big bring me joy just watching other people be creative. So find the things that bring you joy and make sure you’re incorporating them into your life not when you have time. But as a non-negotiable part of your self-care. Sleep sleep like I have not met a woman who’s like oh I feel so rested says high achiever ever right.
Rest is the biggest gift you can give yourself right. Stop making yourself feel guilty about taking a nap or lying down or reading a book. It’s not self-indulgent harassed your body actually needs to rest to perform and know when you need to pump the brakes on other things. One of my old coaches says we’re not creating oxygen here. Most of us are not creating oxygen nor are we going to create world peace or stop a war right.
We we’re doing work that matters. But the truth is most of us like nobody is going to die if we take a day off. Yet we treat our work like somebody is going to die. We take a day off take some time off and get some rest. That’s huge and then simply making space for some sort of practice that allows you to nurture the relationship you have with yourself. So I’d love to say that things we love. We take care of. Are you really taking care of yourself? And what does that look like? It might look like eating healthier food not because you’re trying to lose weight but because that is a loving nurturing thing to do for yourself. So any of us who are moms we don’t say to our kids, oh please eat junk food all day.
We feed them healthy foods because we love them and we want them to thrive. So asking yourself what things do I need to give myself on a day to day basis that helped me thrive? It might be 10 minutes of quiet. It might be taking a walk but really having that go to list of things that you know are non-negotiable for you.
Patty: It’s so so good. So important. And I was just thinking I’d like so it’s not weird that I take my improv class like I love it
Lisa: I love that you do that. I love that you do that right. Like, get outside the things that are so rigid and controlled. Most high achievers.
That’s one of the things we struggle with perfectionism and control. So getting yourself into a position where you get to let go might be a dance class it could be improv but something that makes you uncomfortable because you literally have to just be present and enjoy the experience.
Patty: And it’s so crazy because I get this idea from a coach that I had a psych maybe three years ago. He said OK in the new year everyone has their New Year’s resolutions that I’m going to do this I’m going to do that. How about doing something completely different.
Right, don’t put any parameters on or whatever. Just do something that is so out of character for you to do. And I’m aware of an issue go and stager it that I’m an extrovert and I’m like What could it be and are my something really goofy that feel kind of auto body about doing it. So I did improv and I started doing and I love it so much. It’s so stupid.
The things the exercises that were just like completely kindergartener type of stuff you know but there’s such joy in just letting go and the people that are in the class are just completely different all walks of life said. Who would have thought who would have thought something so simple that is an hour a week brings me so much joy. You know.
Lisa: We have to get outside of ourselves.
Lisa: Right. When we were eight years old we were not here for world domination who wanted to win a dodge ball. Maybe we wanted to have fun we had imaginations we wanted to play and we’ve forgotten these things. We’ve become so disconnected from our feelings for. And unless you’re a cyborg you have emotions and emotions are powerful they helped to guide us and nobody is here to spend their life feeling like frustrated stressed out and overwhelmed Yeah.
So we have to bring more fun back into it so I know it can sound like a flighty and airy fairy but there’s usually you know a significant amount of work that comes along with really digging into patterns. But it has to start with the willingness of looking at your life and saying while this isn’t working for me I’m kind of miserable and I feel like I’m going to burn out or you know kill somebody, husband, kid whatever. Right?
Because it usually the emotion comes out some way that somebody will come to me and say you know what I need to talk I need to talk to you like I’m ready to do this work. I’m scared. Most of the women who come to me are terrified because it is such intimate work especially when we’re talking about our relationships with our physical body and because it’s not about the food. And that’s how most women are programmed will just fix the food. No no, we’re not going to fix the food.
I don’t care about the food we’re going to talk about what the food is a symptom of what your weight is a symptom of what the overdoing is a symptom of what the perfectionism and control is a symptom of. We’re going to dig into that. It’s terrifying work and it’s absolutely transformational change how you show up in your life in your relationships in your business. Like who doesn’t want to feel good.
Patty: Yeah. It’s as simple as that right at the end of the day the simplicity of it. And yet it’s so complex to get there.
Patty: You know because we make it complex.
Lisa: We make it complex and we need. Well that’s for you it’s not for me or we look at all of our circumstances and we think you know I had a conversation with the woman the other day and she was telling me about all these things in her life and why she couldn’t have these things. And I said are you telling me that your life your ability to have peace and joy and fulfillment in your life is dependent on the circumstances around you. You know silence.
There are people. For anybody listening there are people living in war-torn countries with not even like a third of what you have in your life who are living lives filled with joy and fulfillment and satisfaction. Your circumstances have jack shit to do with how you want to feel and what’s available to you in any given moment. So we’ve got to stop being victims of our lives. We’ve got to stop chasing fulfillment outside of our bodies. We have to start giving ourselves what we actually need to thrive.
Patty: Therefore. All right so we’re going to turn the corner here. What is the definition of success? What does that mean to you?
Lisa: This is a great question for me because this was something so success ironically. I’ve ticked a lot of boxes in my life. I was a box ticker. I never ever allowed myself to feel successful. And there came a point I remember I was coaching I had a group coaching program at the time and I realized that if I didn’t claim success for myself it was never going to happen.
And I was basing my success. Here’s the thing. I ticked all these boxes but because the money in the bank wasn’t where I wanted it to be I was not allowed to feel successful. So I wrote on my bathroom mirror. I am successful and every morning going to brush my teeth and every night when I brushed my teeth I would read that and I allowed myself to be successful because I’m alive operate on this planet. I get to be successful successful is a mindset. So what makes me successful? Every morning when I put my feet on the ground and show up well I’m successful.
It’s a feeling for me. It’s a feeling. It starts from the inside out. It really has nothing to do with what I’ve accomplished anymore which is so even talking about own you feel so expansive and before success used to feel like a noose around my neck almost like something I was never ever going to get.
Patty: Oh. That’s so good. That’s good. I was feeling that for sure. All right. Final question for you Lisa Carpenter after all is said and done. What do you want your legacy to be?
Lisa: Oh my gosh that’s an amazing question. It’s really really simple. Every night when I put my head down on my pillow I ask myself if I impacted somebody’s life today. So as far as I’m concerned I’ve already left a legacy because every single person I’ve touched who’s experienced some sort of transformation from being in my company that is my legacy.
Because the ripple effect of the work that I get to do is so profound. I don’t know how other people define legacy. But for me it’s just on a day to day basis it’s not some fancy thing. It’s you know when I finally leave this planet to people have really cool stuff to say about me and how it impacted their lives. That’s my legacy.
And you know I was thinking about my poor kids today. I don’t know if we ever thought about this but our kids are growing up in a generation where they don’t really know what it means to miss someone right. We have such a digital fingerprint when I long leave this planet.
My kids will still be watching my videos and I’ll write you my stuff and my coaching staff and their grandkids will be able to watch they’re like my grandkids will be able to watch their grandmother when she was in her 40s doing her thing online. That’s pretty amazing. So how I show up every single day and my business is already building my legacy. Somebody watch me 30 years from now 50 years from now and be like Wow that woman back in the year 2018. She was amazing.
Patty: Yeah that’s so great. That’s such a great point right that we are literally by the very nature of being an entrepreneur in this day and age have the ability to leave that digital footprint that will far exceed the time that we’re here.
Patty: So great. So true.
Lisa: It does make me a question like how this is totally off topic but leaves your listeners with food for thought on this. You know it’s like how are my children going to grieve me. I have such a huge digital footprint. Like how do you learn to say goodbye to somebody so that’s just a weird random thought for the end of the podcast? But you know that’s what leaving a legacy all is about.
Patty: That’s it. Yeah, that’s what it is. And when you said that immediately what came to mind is when way Wayne Dyer died. His children had they wrote the letter announcing that he had passed and they were just saying it was his time to move on. And then the legacy that he leaves with all the books that he’s written and the content is just like they continue to honor him by making sure that that information’s out there because it’s so impactful you know so I imagine it would be something similar.
Great news everything that you do you’re really creating assets. And I always say that it’s like everything that we are doing as entrepreneurs in the digital age. It’s all these little breadcrumbs assets that we have out there that is just going to leave. It is just about leaving a legacy.
Lisa: Right. So it’s we have to start looking at legacy being this like thing outside of us again.
Lisa: Who are you being today? What have you already created that is leaving a legacy. This isn’t something that you have to pursue. It’s already where you’re doing it. Like if you’re an entrepreneur and you’re showing up and you’re putting yourself out there you’re building that legacy.
Lisa: There isn’t more to do. Just keep being you doing you sharing your gifts impacting the world the way you want to. You’re building your legacy. Stop believing that you’re not having a big enough impact because you are.
Patty: Exactly. So to see how I think we saw a carpenter so pleasantly intense. I mean this is exactly what I’m talking about. It was hugely people spinning because after we had our comment Oh my God my head is spinning and just like food for thought with everything that you say. So with that, I know people will want to get a hold of you to connect with you to see how they could potentially work with you. What is the best way to do that?
Lisa: I would love that. So I regularly hang out on Instagram. I do Instagram stories sometimes with filters sometimes without. I reserve the right to filter myself some mornings although I try and keep it real right.
Patty: And I think that’s awesome.
Lisa: Some days actually to say you know what I need to not filter because I’m getting addicted to the filters on Instagram. So Instagram stories is a great place to catch me you can always DM me there follow me there or head over to my web site at lisacarpenter.ca and you can put in an application to work with me and if you’re good fit then let’s do this.
Patty: Awesome. Lisa, I thank you so much for sharing your gifts your insights your expertise the guidance that you bring and the legacy that you’re leaving.
Lisa: Thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate you. I’m so grateful we’ve gotten to know each other and I’m sure we’re going to have much many many more intense conversations destructive conversations in the future.
Patty: That sounds great.
Links used in this episode:
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