Patty: Hey there my legacy leader, this is Patty Dominguez with episode number 17 with Ilyse Soutine transformational coach. We’re talking about why we self-sabotage. And maybe we’re even self-sabotaging without even realizing it. Think about the ways that we stand in our own way the way that we interfere with the plans that we have with the goals that we want and ask yourself why do we do what we do. So there are many reasons for it. It shows up in different ways and some sabotage insidious. It may be happening without you even really realizing it. So in this episode, we’re talking about ways to manage the self-sabotage to call yourself out to be in self-integrity. And this is what I love about this episode with the amazing Ilyse Soutine. So here we go.
Patty: Ilyse thank you so much for being on her legacy podcast. It is such an honor to have you as a fellow coach and your specialty is that your transformation coach and a mentor. But I always like to ask one question. Let’s get braggy about you. What do you think your superpower is?
Ilyse: Oh my superpower. I think my superpower is really identifying people’s patterns. I can see patterns very quickly. Usually sooner than later. And so I’m really proud of that.
Patty: Absolutely. And I think that one of the gifts that you have. Because we’ve been in different coaching groups together coaching different types of peoples and their challenges and whatnot. And you have this very calm and peaceful demeanor. And it’s such grounded energy.
And I know personally speaking with you. That. I can see how you are able to help people through those patterns so that they can see a clear line of sight and where that transformation is. So I’ve seen it myself I’ve seen you do it.
So I just wanted to add some whipped cream to that ice cream that you’re talking about because I do see that that it’s a very special gift that you have.
Ilyse: Well, I just want you I want to thank you so much for that that means a lot to me. Thank you.
Patty: Oh my gosh. My pleasure. I call it as I see it right. All right. So we are talking today which I think is a very special topic that would be relevant to everybody before we got on our show. I said oh my gosh this topic is relevant today. It’s relevant next year. It’s relevant.
Always. It is an evergreen topic. So for the listeners I really want you to pay attention to and ask yourself myself sabotaging the deal is, We would say I don’t have sabotage but the fact of the matter is a professional and expert like Ilyse and pinpoint like she mentioned those patterns so first is first.
What is self-sabotage?
Ilyse: Well I just want to add you are absolutely right. Most people will say oh I don’t self-sabotage. You know I’m going to get to it in a second but being overwhelmed is a form of self-sabotage.
I’ll get to that in a second. So basically with self-sabotage, it’s a lack of responsibility it’s an unwillingness to take responsibility for yourself and for your actions that you have to take to get what you need to get done.
Patty: So did it happen in different instances. Or does it compromise goals or like. Can you give us an example maybe of somebody that you personally coach? No names necessary but maybe their particular story that you saw like wait a minute.
You’re self-sabotaging and they just like you said. Maybe really weren’t even aware of it.
Ilyse: Well yeah I think that there’s a situation with an entrepreneur and she was just constantly overwhelmed and the overwhelmed would just freeze her right. But I identified the fact that it was really a form of self-sabotage. And then you know I could just do it. I gave her tools and techniques which I’m going to give your audience the essence as to how to move through that.
But I don’t think most of us really see something like overwhelm is a form of self-sabotage but its setting is very key. We sabotage our self and very sneaky ways and I’m going to talk about some of those ways. Yeah.
Patty: Awesome. So tell us to tell us the ways than in which we self-sabotage.
Ilyse: Well I think procrastination is one of the biggest ways in which we self-sabotage and that’s one of the most egregious ways in which we self-sabotage is procrastination. You know this desire to just put things off to the next day the next day the next day and then you know a week or a few weeks go by and nothing gets done. Yeah, the thing is just a distraction.
You know if you’re trying is working on a task and someone text you and you start engaging with them that’s another form of like. Self-sabotage. Believe it or not, it’s a lesser degree but but much so. And I mean just altogether avoiding that’s my choice of self-sabotage is just to this form of avoidance of I think I tend to do like I’ll tell myself that oh I’ll do this later in the day and then I don’t get to it. Right.
There’s just this complete avoidance that sometimes is a pattern to me and it continued over and over again just this avoidance that I would tell myself that oh I need to do the laundry I need to do the dishes or for those of us who work at home so that instead and not get to the actual things that we need to do to accomplish what we want. And of course, I talked about overwhelm I think frustration too I think sometimes we can get really frustrated that things aren’t going as well as we would like or even technically frustrated sometimes if you having to do things and having to figure things out on your own. Technically frustration and sometimes people just walk they just avoid doing what they’re supposed to do because they just reached this point of frustration where they stop.
But there are other kinds of like I think on a deeper level on a deeper emotional level I think that there are a lot of people who don’t feel worthy of doing the things that they’re wanting to do in the world they have self-doubt. And I think self-doubt feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness are also ways in which we sabotage ourselves. If you really think about it because we’re denying ourselves we’re denying ourselves our gifts and our talents and it’s a way of just putting a wedge in between who we are and what we want to accomplish and I think that’s also the ways in which people don’t really identify self-doubt or unworthiness as a former self-sabotage because when people don’t feel worthy or if they’re daring themselves they sometimes become paralyzed they don’t take action because of those deep-seated feelings of not being good enough or not being well enough.
So yes yes. You know on a higher level on the highest level then when we’re self-sabotaging our self We’re crushing her dreams in a way you know so I think it’s really wise when you’re self-sabotaging you really think about., What you’re trying to create and the dreams that you have and to focus on that you know and to get into the habit of identifying self-sabotage with crushing her dreams. I think that’s a good motivator to overcome it.
Patty: Yeah totally. I mean the way that you said that. Hey just add to that it’s like wow we’re seeing only the effects of self-sabotaging in terms of oh I didn’t complete that project. I didn’t start that. One thing that I promised myself that I was going to promise or I did it right my 10 pages of my book what I’ve said that I was going to or I didn’t call that dream client. I just didn’t have time. And so I have absolutely self-sabotage in that way with the procrastination. That’s a big one. Overwhelm for me is not really an issue I’m just like OK I’ve got a lot of thinking achuchu chu chu but the way that you’re saying just echoing back for the listeners is that it is very insidious and that it shows up in different ways.
And so for me, it’s the let me work around its meaning I’ll do all these other things. Around. And I’m avoiding getting to what has to get to. What I know that is going to get done because there is this uncomfortability that I’m assuming is there. And what most people I really want to emphasize is one point that you said. What most people don’t understand is that at the root if I’m interpreting correctly at the root of that is a lack of worthiness or. Who am I to do these things that are feeding into my dream?
Patty: And so that is absolutely like thinking about what’s the cost of not doing it right. And so you really get involved it in a way is the way I’m assuming you help people through that transition to get out of the self-sabotage am I capturing that right.
Ilyse: Yes absolutely.
Patty: Oh my gosh. So give us another example maybe of how are the tips that you wanted to share of how someone can help. Themselves. Through this process of avoiding. Overwhelm. Procrastination. Because it’s showing up like self-sabotage.
Ilyse: Right. Well before I get to that hour and talk about why we sabotage away I think it’s really important to identify why we sabotage to see what’s underneath the self-sabotage. And I think basically bottom line its fear and so the fear of what fear of failure fear of success fear of our own power. That’s something we don’t really think about when I think a lot of people are very terrified of their own power to fear uncertainty and also fear of rejection. And a lot of people are deeply concerned about what others think of them so they’re afraid of being judged by others.
And what’s also very common is that people feel like an impostor. Well you know so these are underlying some of the reasons why and this all is perhaps on a subconscious level because we aren’t telling our self we’re procrastinating. Oh, I have a fear of the unknown. That’s why I’m doing this race. It’s terrorism. I just mind acting out. And the impostor syndrome is very very common.
And so these are just some of the ways and also people are just its terrifying being out of the comfort zone. It’s just the body in the brain has to rebel part of the brain just wants to shut down because being out of the comfort zone is not safe. So self-sabotage is a strategy with which the survival part of the brain protects you keeps you safe. And so how do we stop self-sabotage. I have four steps that will help people do that.
And the first step is to be present to just take a breath and be present. Because when we’re present and we’re focusing on our breath thoughts cannot exist at the same time that you’re focusing on your breath. So it’s a really good way a technique to just physically just shut everything down to just stop because sometimes our brain just wants our mind just goes crazy with thoughts. You know just to take a moment and to just be present you know to be aware of the room that you’re in the fact that you’re breathing in and out.
Just be very present to take a few minutes and then the second is to reconnect with your why you know so whether that means revisiting your vision or perhaps you want to take your family on vacation. Perhaps you want that book to be published revisit yours why. Because I think it’s really important to reconnect with that part of our self because when we’re in a path of self-sabotage it’s like we’re strayed off the path you know. And so focusing on the vision and what you want to accomplish and why you’re doing it a lot of people do things because they want their children to have a better life whatever it is to get back on track as to what you are why is the third step rather is more practical it prioritizes your tasks.
So what is the most important thing that you need to do next? So really identify what the next important thing to do so prioritizing your tasks is the third and the fourth one is a technique you know sometimes really deep in self-sabotage it’s really hard to take action paralysis seems to be you know a symptom of that. And so there is this technique where you can actually put literally take out your timer and put out five minutes and know that you’re not going to do anything else. But what you’re supposed to do in that five minutes and then take the next step.
You know the one that you prioritize and all you have to do is just five minutes and then you’ll find that once you start going then you can redo it for another five minutes and another five minutes. And it grows upon itself. So then perhaps you can expand it to 10 minutes and 20 minutes of focus time and that’s the best way to come up with some sub touch.
Patty: I love that. So I kind of backed into this without even realizing I have this app it’s the Pomodoro.
Patty: I literally two things as Ilyse is talking about this. The one thing is this program called brain.fm so you go on your computer type it brain.fm it has bi-neural beats to focus. Because what was happening to me is I get distracted by a noise outside I’ll break my focus when I hear things somebody knocking on my door. And doing that.
And so when I married those to the brain.fm App with a little Pomodoro timer and if you guys don’t already know it’s literally this concept of focused attention for 20 minutes or 25 minutes at the most and then you’re so focused. I literally love that.
Patty: And after 25 minutes these little dingoes are within five minutes they tell you to walk around do something and I tell you that intermittent you know activity walk around just kind of release that focus and then refreshed drinks some water. That has been exponentially helpful for me. And I didn’t even realize how much. Something so simple like those two things could help. Incredibly. I was blown away by it and me actually of all people I got that from my son.
He’s like Mom have you heard of this Pomodoro theme like he’s like it really helps me and I’m like CJI you know it’s so fantastic. And so I can see how going back to what you’re saying is that when you’re breathing and you’re just really getting yourself grounded and the prioritization and you know having to eat the 800 pound and it’s one chunk at a time where one bite at a time if you will and that really it dispels it just deteriorate or whatever the D word.
This whole overwhelm it’s almost like it disintegrates. That’s a better word. You know it just kind of goes away by the wayside. The Overwhelm that you thought you had. So I loved that. Those are really really good tips.
Ilyse: Yeah thank you for mentioning that that’s it kind of a mini Pomodoro technique because I I didn’t want people to feel stressed about having to do something in 20 minutes so started five.
Ilyse: The biennial beat is brilliant. There’s also something else that you can get on YouTube also by but you can get it on YouTube called Quantum focus. It’s what I do as well and I listen to that when I’m working and it just increases my productivity tremendously. It’s like incredible.
Patty: Many thanks. So Quantum Focus you said?
Patty: Let’s continue with the show. Wow and I think it has to do because of the hertz what is it four twenty-eight or something like that.
Ilyse: 432 is the hertz. But I don’t know if the quantum focus is for 432 hertz. I don’t know whether that’s the correct hertz but nevertheless, it’s very powerful.
Patty: I don’t know enough about what can you comment on that. The whole Hertz thing. Do you know how that works?
Ilyse: I think it comes from a place of vibrations. So you know we’re getting off track a little here. But you know I never apologize for being esoteric or. To wow oh.
But we’re all basically energetic beings and we’re vibrating at certain frequencies and the earth vibrates at the frequency of 432 and so when we listen to something that’s at that frequency we become in alignment with that frequency and we start to feel good. We start to feel harmonious and peaceful and calm. So that’s what that’s about.
Patty: I love that I love that. That’s amazing. OK, so kind of turning the corner now and just some tips as a transformation coach and mentor. What are some habits that you’ve seen in some clients or things that maybe you implement that help?
People stay the course in terms of letting go of potential self-sabotage. Is there something that you do on a consistent basis may be as simple as breathing or you know meditation or that that would help?
Ilyse: Yeah I really appreciate you bringing that up. I think that hypnosis well visualization the combination of hypnosis or visualization and hypnosis to the sense that just bring you into a calm state. So the best way to visualize to be in a calm state of mind you don’t want to be visualized when you’re stressed or you’re feeling anxiety because that is just not going to be effective visualization.
And so the whole idea behind hypnosis and even meditation is to bring you into a deep state so that you can visualize because that just calms down the analytical started the brain part of the brain so that we can access the right-hand side of the brain. So in order to keep people on track and myself included I visualize I visualize every day what I want to create in the world. And that’s what keeps me on track.
Patty: And how I’ve engaged that you do that once a day to twice. How does that work?
Ilyse: I definitely do it once a day for about ten minutes. OK. And on a good day, I do it twice a day and I don’t do it really. Some people do for 20 minutes even doing it just for five minutes or 10 minutes. The most important thing when you’re visualizing is to feel which you want to feel so if you want to be affluent you want to be wealthy. What does it feel like to be wealthy if you want to be confident what you’re doing?
What does it feel like to be confident in when you’re visualizing stepping into that feeling and when you’re doing that you are creating new neural pathways in the brain? So that brain then has the context with which to work from. And it’s incredible how it works because the cumulative effect is really significant over time.
So yeah that’s what I would. I highly recommend that that’s the thing that really made the difference between staying on track and constantly veering off and staying very is staying off the road just wandering and feeling lost. Not knowing how to get back on is just the visualization of your training your brain and your psyche and you are being to be in alignment with what you want to create.
Patty: I love that. And the other thing I hear. Quite often is. I can’t focus too many monkeys on my head and what I’ve suggested to people in the past is literally set the bar so low that you can’t fail. So what if you just sat there in stillness for a minute. Right.
And just-just a minute. Don’t pressure yourself to think that you have to sit there and meditate or do self-hypnosis for half an hour and just like you said you did it for 10 minutes. But it’s those precious ten minutes that help you too really.
Concretize the vision for what you want in your life and if you find yourself like Oh I’ve heard it before and I just can’t get myself to that level. What if you just did it for a minute and incrementally move up from there.
Ilyse: Yeah absolutely.
Patty: That’s what we have to start.
Ilyse: Yeah but sometimes it’s also really hard for people like if you tell them to stop thinking they don’t know how to do that. So it’s like you know sometimes focusing on an object like looking at a candle you know because if your mind is going like this and someone tells you to sit down for a minute stop thinking your mind just goes even more like that.
I think really key is breath work. But also if someone’s having a hard time to focus on their breath and if they’re having a hard time doing that if they’re more visual who’s to kinesthetic which you know to say people feel things in their body which is what I am to look at a candle to just take 60 seconds and just focus on a flame in a candle or something a flower whatever it is because you know sometimes people feel. I find like really frustrated like even when they sit down and try to pause they cannot turn off their minds.
They just can’t because they don’t know how they don’t have any context with which to reference that. So they don’t know how to do it and then it becomes very frustrating. Right. So those are some tools just like breath work looking at a candle if you don’t really want to do the meditation or aren’t used to it. Also, you know it’s very hard I mean I tried meditating for years and years and years that could never do it because in my mind just would not stop ha-ha while crazy and it was only until in my case since we’re talking about meditation.
What made the huge difference to me as I studied transcendental meditation and a mantra. So I was given a mantra. And so when I said the mantra over and over in my mind that cut out cancel out my thoughts. So then it was like powerful so even if you know here’s another way in which to calm the mind.
So I gave you a visual hairsbreadth this breath work another thing you can focus on is the mantra there is something you can say “sat nam”. It’s a Sanskrit term and you can say it over and over and over and that calms down the mind when you’re trying to just turn it off “sat nam” “sat nam”.
You can even say that when you’re looking at a candle when you’re trying to meditate very very powerful.
Patty: I love love love that so so much more. In terms of starting your day shutting off the noise where you can with these really excellent tips and yeah it’s at the one size fits all its like depending on your love like even focusing on the candle.
Just like you talked about that is so brilliant. And then just doing the breath work and everything else that you’re talking about. I love it. Thank you so much. Now OK. So tell us about how you work with people. What are you working on this year? What are you excited about.
Ilyse: Well I am very very excited. I’m about to launch I created a methodology called the subconscious shift methodology and started off at the subconscious shift call which actually you did. And so that’s very popular and I’m going to start really promoting it in a big way in February so I’m preparing for that. I’m getting all my ducks in a row.
I’m very very excited about that. And so also around this methodology have created a VIP day and a 90-day program. And what it does is it basically uses the we often cover our subconscious lived in recent stories by using the subconscious mind working with the subconscious mind using brain science.
And I use also spiritual principles and somatic I use the body and so created you know 90-day program around this and I have the call and I have the VIP day around that and it’s the methodology that I created and I’m very proud and very excited to bring it into the world. And also since you asked I’m also working on a book.
Patty: Oh good.
Ilyse: I Have a book in us don’t we-we are.
Ilyse: It’s interesting because of I never. Expected to be working on it sooner than later but I got like a huge intuitive hit. I need to start now and I’m like OK I Just follow whatever my intuition tells me. And so I’m just really really excited because I feel this past year in particular for me and I’ve been on this journey with you this extraordinary journey of transformation and I really took some time off I really wanted to just focus and embody what I was learning and I feel like I’ve done that and now it’s time to make it my own and to put it out into the world.
So I really feel like you know I’m putting out to the world something I’m really in alignment with and something that I know will help to change people’s lives and make a big difference and I’m just really excited. So thanks for that.
Patty: I love that. So it’s already a good year. That right.
Ilyse: Yes. To be an epic here it really is.
Patty: I think so too. There’s a really great energy about what people are doing and everyone oh my god I love that quote as everyone has a book in them. I completely agree. It’s a total confession. I’m in that same boat. I literally had a dream that I needed to write a book and it was a specific topic murder case.
But it is so exciting and I’m like I obsess about it to the point where like I’m thinking about it what can I read about oh this would be good. And it’s such a fun creative process and I’m not putting pressure on myself in that I’m literally just doing about it I’m going about it organically.
Ilyse: Yeah. Do you know that’s so key? It absolutely is. And good for you. And you go, girl, I can hardly wait to read your book.
Patty: Thank You.
Ilyse: I think that I don’t know exactly you would write about it. I think that you know when you start writing it just comes. It’s like the thing is is that this whole thing around co-creating the universe to them getting a little esoteric.
Patty: Now I love it.
Ilyse: Co-creating With the universe is to just be open and willing and just start just start taking the action and then everything else just comes through. I know that to be true. You know that’s in part how we co-create.
Patty: Oh I love it… Yeah well, likewise I mean. Like I said it’s already an amazing year. And here’s the deal on that point. If it’s an idea. Can you solidify this for me because I mean I’m going into your space? But. If you the listener can solidify this concept that if an idea pops in your head it’s literally if you continue with that it is coming through you it is coming through you it will open up the floodgates if you will of creativity or being in a space where you could potentially be in the flow when you really just let go and let it come to you organically.
And I think that is such a beautiful space. Instead, we get into our heads and we’re like wow that’s just crazy right. Like I can’t write a book who am I? That self-sabotage happens. Bridges like I feel like we’re going full circle.
Patty: Can you comment on that one that thought please because it’s so important for people to know.
Ilyse: Well the sad about because I was going to talk about the impostor’s syndrome kicks in.
Ilyse: Now the impostor syndrome kicks in and then paralysis and then we don’t do anything. But I wanted to also back up a little and you know when we’re getting that message like when you have that dream where we’re just minding your own business and we get this idea. These are messages from the divine.
Ilyse: These are messages from the divine and there have been plenty of times in the past when I have never acted and it never comes again. Right. It’s like. So when you’re getting it when you’re getting the messages to just. Act or to just listen and to be open and to allow because we’re all divine creatures and we’re always being divinely guided.
You know we were born to contribute to the world when we were uniquely born to do right. Each of us has our unique gifts to serve humanity. And so when the divine is speaking through us to just really listen and to trust it to trust it’s not us being crazy or crazy imagination.
I mean really you know it’s a good point that you made is that we want to try to write that off and that you know that self-sabotage yourself sabotage mind communication which is the most extraordinary thing not only just divine communication but guidance that guidance you know.
Patty: Absolutely. All right so I’m very excited about your book. I cannot wait to read it and hear more about what you’re doing this year and seeing it come to fruition everything you’re talking about.
I have one question before that which is kind of the hook to my whole podcast here it is called her legacy podcast after all. After everything is said and done. What you want your legacy to be.
Ilyse: I want people to know that when they uncover the truth of who they are. They will begin to live their soul’s mission.
Patty: That is very beautiful. That is very beautiful and I got chills of course because I know the authenticity and the realness in what you bring that so really really beautiful.
All right. People that are blessed enough to connect with you. How do they get a hold of you? How did they find out more about your programs?
Ilyse: Well they can go to my Website ilysesoutine.com Or easier. Have another URL called sheawakens.com. I’d love to connect with you on Instagram.
You know feel free to private message me or on Facebook. Private message me. I think that’s the best and easiest way and I have an offer for your audience. I have a free master class on how your subconscious mind is sabotaging your finances.
Patty: Wow. OK, so direct relation with money which most people have. A lot of issues with.
Patty: That’s Amazing. So is there a direct link. I mean all of these. Everybody’s going to be in the show notes. So if we don’t catch it here if you’re driving, Jump all I know that this will be in the show notes.
But how do people find out more about the master classes at a specific URL just want them to go to the show notes?
Ilyse: I think it’s best to go to the show notes or they can just go to my Web site sheawakenscom and the work with me page they can access it there to the subconscious shipped call.
Patty: Okay Great
Ilyse: It will be easy to navigate. And they can sign up there. It’s also an opt-in and my Web site. And so that’s the easiest way to access it.
Patty: Okay perfect. So ilysesoutin.com everyone. All the details will be in the Show Notes. Make sure to check that in connect with Ilyse because she is again such a beautiful spirit. So we thank you so much for being on her legacy broadcast as always a phenomenal. A pleasure to connect with you.
Ilyse: And likewise thank you so much for having me was so wonderful.
Patty: Great. Thank you.
Patty: Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of her legacy podcast.
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